community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
