wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize