sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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