I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
