You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
