just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
