I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
