Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Shame is for Republicans.
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