Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
