Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
