he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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