omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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