My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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