my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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