pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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