Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize