You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
