Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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