Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
