I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize