I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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