Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
