i would punch a child for taco bell
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
