So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
