3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
