you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
