thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
