There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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