I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
