everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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