We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
