Don't you send me to vm
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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