Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize