3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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