you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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