Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
