i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
