she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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