he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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