yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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