I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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