i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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