Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
