I'm gonna have a badass scar
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
