The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
