I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
