What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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