We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
