Screwed.edu
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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