I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
