She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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