grandma shit on top of the toilet
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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