I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize