with your own penis?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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