alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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