I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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