I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
