i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
