um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
