maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize