i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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