just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
