in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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