I feel great
I just peed on a car
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
