when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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