last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
