We won't sleep together?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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