Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
