So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
