Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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