Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't notice because vodka
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
