White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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