Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
