im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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