i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize