She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
