i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
