Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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