She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize