you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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