its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
