I want to have your abortion
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
