is your mom at the bar?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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