Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize