You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
