this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
