1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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