yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I touched a dick in church today
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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