She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
