Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
