he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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