Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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