I can text with my tongue
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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