her vagine was all disorganized.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
