Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
