forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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