and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
