dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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